So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
