mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
