thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
