i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
