Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
