I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
