I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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