The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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