You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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