I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
