i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
