The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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