so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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