i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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