i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
