Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
