Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
