Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
