i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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