he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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