don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
