can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
