i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
