you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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