I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
