my mouth tastes like poor choices
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
