Sponge bath it is.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
