i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
NoShamevember. You game?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
