Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
