If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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