I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
