Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
