i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
