I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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