I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
