if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who died my cat blue again?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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