dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
