Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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