haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
