I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
