he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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