dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
