We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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