Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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