My first STD was from a foam party
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
