I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am available for nakedness
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