Porn is love you can see.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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