Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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