I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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