I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's rum buckets o'clock
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
