Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
