Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My cat gives me a boner
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
