I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
