It's Friday. Sex?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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